Updates: Nov. 7th, 2016

Things have finally slowed down enough for me to sit down and write. I’ve spent several weeks away from my blog and YouTube despite a number of plans I’d had for various projects. The Universe, it seemed, had other intentions for me.

My Wylde Hunt Challenge fell short. I didn’t quite get off on the proper footing, and each attempt to keep it going sort of followed suit. Many of my personal creative projects fell to the wayside as well. I’m a little bummed. Autumn is usually such a productive time for me; this Autumn felt like a bit of a train wreck.

On the New Moon at the end of September, I decided to perform a ritual to cut away a lot of the negative aspects of self that were destructive and causing me suffering- old patterns that no longer served me and where I would like my practice to go.

The ritual consisted of me creating sacred space. Within it, I called upon the Hunt, on Herne as its leader and my patron, and upon Yew- the black dog and guide that has been in my dreams and meditations since this summer. I asked them to help me ‘hunt’ down those parts of self, to slay them, and to help me carry them away in the days to come so that I might move on from things which are no longer serving me. It was part shamanic journey, and part physical. The poppet I had made to represent that which I wanted to ‘hunt’ was destroyed, and lain atop my clan tartan scarf (to reflect ancestral ties), and a little bundle of dried cedar and lilies from my home. It remained there for a week, until I could finally burn them and bury them in the earth in the ravines.

The evening I set out to burn them, things got very strange. The Hunter seemed a bit angry, aggressive- quite truly terrifying to me at the time. Some items I meant to burn and bury wouldn’t, and I was really quite confused and frustrated for a while following what was supposed to be the conclusion of my ritual… Now that I’m looking back, I’m seeing that there was a period of darkness that was necessary before rebirth was possible: just like Samhain marks the witches’ New Year, but we do not see that change and that return of light until much later.

In the couple of weeks between that rite and Samhain, it felt as though everything just fell apart. I had a temporary falling out with a close friend, another longtime companion went to prison; my family cat was put down; I made decisions that tore me apart until I was finally able to admit them… I fell behind on school work, on personal chores, and especially in my practice. Some of it wasn’t resolved until a couple of evenings ago. Sometimes, you just need a friend to drag you into the woods with a sage bundle and mead until you end up coming to the conclusions you need.

Things aren’t perfectly fixed, but they’re getting better. I really feel like what I need to power through the rest of this school year has finally come. The Hunt no longer feels threatening, the shadows that needed addressing have been addressed- and those that needed to be have been laid to rest where they belong. School work has still been keeping me busy, and I’m therefore hesitant to make promises of any further projects or regular posting until the semester has reached its end.

I’m looking forward to the Winter months- and hoping they hold a much smoother time than Autumn did. Plans have just been begun for Yule with the witchy tribe, and I’m feeling a lot better about making it through this semester and onward towards graduation and beyond.

Here’s hoping you all had a wonderful Samhain, and that the months to come are full of magic, love, and prosperity.

Forest Blessings,
Rachel

P.S. For the month of November, I will not be offering my tarot service on the Full Moon. I’ve got too many things due between now and the Thanksgiving Break to do so. I’m very sorry I forgot about it for October and will not be able to do so for November. I should be returning with it come December, though.

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Summer’s End: A Reflection

I started the summer, and this blog with a post about shadow work, and the fact that this summer was going to be all about that process of radical transformation. Now, though I hardly think that process is over, school is beginning in just a few short days. My arrival at GVSU always marks, for me, a sort of new chapter. It’s a new living environment (as I’ve switched dorms each year), I’m often living with new people, new classes, etc. There’s unlimited potential for the academic year to be something great / interesting / whatever.

This year, it feels almost more potently so. I’ve had a rough summer between dental issues, plans not working quite as hoped, and interpersonal problems, it’s been nothing short of a roller-coaster ride. A lot has changed in the past few months, for good or ill.

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I’ve embraced a lot of old things that I once had felt connected to, but decided didn’t fit into the box or image I was trying to make for myself. This was literally anything from witchcraft practices from my earlier stages of practice, to more mundane things like Sailor Moon and my darker music and style interests. Old friends came back into my life- more than they’d been in the past five years or so since graduating high school. It was refreshing, and felt like a total homecoming that I was very much open to. Participating in my usual summer traditions with old friends for the first time in ages was nothing short of amazing.

But, just as I was embracing many many things that had undoubtedly been a part of who I am, I was faced with much to let go of: anxieties and fears, practices that weren’t working, physical objects, even a couple of relationships with people. Conflicts did indeed happen over some of these issues, and they sort of opened my eyes to aspects of myself I hadn’t necessarily recognized at the beginning of the summer. For example: I wasn’t, for quite some time, careful with my energy, and spending that energy unwisely, or not protecting it from others’ influence, led to myself and the other people involved getting hurt. I’ve learned to let go of a lot of anxiety I’d built up about my physical health, and those whose job it is to help me maintain it. I’m not nearly as terrified of the dentist as I was at the beginning of summer, and I’ve certainly been taking better care of those teeth now. I’ve come to realize that I have a bit of a control-freak streak. When I can’t be in charge of what I do- and especially when I’m told how I do/should feel or think in situations, I get a bit irrationally angry. I’ve been trying to take the time to step back, release that anger, and dig deeper into what is actually being said rather than closing up and getting defensive. This is a work in progress.

Some things aren’t resolved- and may never be completely. But I feel like I’ve come out of this summer’s bit of growth stronger, more confident, and ready to take on the school year and what challenges come next. The process isn’t over, but I’ve done a lot of digging and feel happier for it.

Much love to you all,
Rachel